In his recent New York Times article, Graham Hill claims that he has lived “a long way from the life he had in the 90s, when, flush with cash from an Internet start-up sale, I had a giant house crammed with stuff — electronics and cars and appliances and gadgets.” He wrote about how all the consumer goods he has amassed throughout the years ended up consuming him. And it took him 15 years, a great love and a lot of travel to get rid of all the inessentials; now he is living a bigger, better, richer life.
I shared the article with some of my closest friends and we all agreed that we all have more stuff than we actually need. I confessed that I have 30 pairs of shoes but in my defence, I only maintain 30 pairs – every month, when (not if) I buy a pair (or two), I give away old ones. Now, our barangay tanods know how it feels to walk in my size 42 shoes. I am, however, guilty of having too many underwear (six weeks’ worth) and jeans (25 pairs in my last count – I am still holding on to my flares coz they might have a massive comeback in 2016). I then threw the question, “Is this philosophy, ‘Less is more’, also applicable to friendships?” Majority of friends, with our median age being 30, answered in the positive.
Since I can remember, I have always wanted to be popular. No, I don’t want to be famous. I want to be popular. I always wanted to be part of the cool clique, the in crowd. Back in my elementary days, I had to have what everyone said was cool. There was a time when United Colors of Benetton was the coolest brand. I saved up my allowance so that I can have Benetton wallets, Benetton duffel bags, Benetton knapsacks (where I can keep my Trapper Keeper – so cool!), Benetton everything! I tried to act cool until eventually, I became cool. (Yes, yes, it’s self-proclaimed which is uncool. But trust me I was cool back in the day.)
One of the effects of being popular is I had way too many friends. And when I say friends, I mean actually human beings I can actually touch and interact with. This was pre-Facebook as one can infer. But over the years, I found it too taxing to maintain friendships with people that became my friends due to default. “Hey, you’re cool and popular! Just like me! Oh my God, let’s be friends!” Thankfully, I outgrew this petty high school mentality of coolness and popularity. Three years ago. Kidding! (But maybe not.)
In this digital age, one seems to measure friendships through social media standards. Applying this measurement, I can conclude that I am unpopular. Today, I only have 698 Facebook friends. (I know, I know, that’s 448 more than I actually need but 70% of these Facebook friends are filed under the restricted category.) I have 408 followers on Instagram (but I am following just 225). And my Twitter feed has a measly 90 followers. (SIDETRACK: I don’t understand Twitter that much. I am only following 163 feeds – mostly comedians and news agencies.) Grindr, however, is a different story altogether as I am quite popular there. And no, not because I’m a slut but… have you seen the people there?!? It’s full of Tabon men.
What more, I have never used social media as a platform to over-share. When I want to discuss politics, religion, world affairs and the like, I discuss it with friends, over dinner, like normal functioning adults. When something stresses me out, I invite a friend for coffee or drinks and I unload. When I have wonderful news, I go out with my friends and we celebrate.
Following Mr. Hill’s philosophy, I also got rid of inessentials – inessential people, that is. It did not take me 15 years, a great love and lots of travel to be enlightened. I am no longer friends with people because either we had a falling out, or just drifted apart due to time or geography, or they just vanished into thin air. I am no longer close with some people because I intended it to be like that. My dear friend Richie said, “I’d rather invest in the friends I already have than put an effort in new acquaintances that will never have the kind of history that I already have with my friends.” Another dear friend, Edsel, countered that “Every day is a good day to make a new friend.” Two opposing thoughts, but somehow I agree with both. To me, it’s all a matter of discernment.
I look at my friends as investments. And at 32, I consider myself a rich man. I have assembled a colorful melange of friends that provide me with unique experiences that make for a bigger, better and richer life. While the people I consider as friends have the usual suspects of high school friends, graduate school classmates, drinking buddies and fellow lovers of men (all of whom are lifelong members of my inner circle), I also have some not-so-obvious choices, many of whom I have befriended in my thirties – colleagues, financial advisers and their fiancés, moms. Perhaps I have changed my definition of a ‘friend’ and rightly so.
Last Friday night, (actually it was already 2 AM Saturday), my friend Matt complimented my writing and shared with me how he loved my blog. He encouraged me to write more and to write professionally. (I might take up on that offer. God knows I need new shoes.) I do not hangout with Matt that often but in the sporadic times I bump into him in the city, he always has a warm hug and supportive words for me. And that is the type of friend that I intend to keep – a person who is always ready to give you a warm hug and encouraging you to be the best that you can be.
I, too, have come a long way from the life I had in the 90s. I am no longer that concerned with being popular and cool – nowadays, it just comes, like, naturally. I am more concerned with investing in the right friendships that will ultimately make my life a bigger, better and richer one.
© 2013 Victor John Platon
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