I am 35 and I worship at the altar of Madonna. That is arguably the best statement to introduce me. The two parts of the sentence reveal that a) I am in my mid-thirties, i.e. I am old, and b) I am super gay, whatever that means. It’s all relative really.
I believe that it’s my blind devotion to Madonna that makes me a super gay. Not the kind that’s too gay that I actually pass rainbow gas and ooze glitters & sequins from my sweat glands, but the kind of gay person who takes no shit and gives no fuck to his advantage. Madonna made me an Alpha Gay.
It all started when I was growing up and realized that I was different from other boys. The Philippine landscape in the 80s could not provide me with role models to look up to. Thankfully, I found Madonna, Patron Saint of Perpetual Self-Promotion, and meticulously studied her every career move, her every statement, her every fashion choice, and her every reinvention. To give her credit for who I am today, especially my resilience (which is a great trait I learned from her) and my high self-regard (which comes with being an Alpha Gay) is a major understatement. Three decades into my devout faith in the Queen of Pop, she continues to be an inspirational figure for me.
Last year, I found myself working with some of Manila’s new crop of upcoming gay talents. I have since continued to expand my network of creative gay twentysomethings, filling in their need for an older gay figure to dispense wisdom (“An enema is a bottom’s best friend”), obscure references (“You are like a gay Tasaday”), stories from the good ol’ days (“It was so much fun when I was kicked out of a club in Sydney on New Year’s Eve for dancing on table tops…”) and bawdy jokes. But despite the self-reverence I impose on these young kids, I oftentimes question myself: When did I get so old?
In a society that puts a premium on youth, I am told numerous times that, at 35, I am still hipper and cooler than a lot of younger gay men. I know this for a fact – high self-regard? Check! But if what makes me hipper and cooler than most is my Life of the Party Playbook (more on this in a future post), when would it regress from being fun and rad to just plain sad?
Madonna, especially at this stage of her career, tells me it doesn’t have to. At 57, she remains the Queen of Pop that has done it all. She’s a provocateur, a badass, a feminist, a gay-rights trailblazer, and a cultural icon way before all the new breed of artists that she helped invent. Madonna continues to do what she wants, wear what she damn pleases, works with whomever she wishes and kisses whomever she fancies regardless of the judgment she gets for it. Her age is clearly irrelevant to her and hopefully it will be for all of us. She continues to push the boundaries both as an artist and as a woman – an aging woman in our ageist society – such a rebel heart.
On the cusp of gay midlife, I find myself drawing inspiration once again from Madonna. May she help me find peace with who I am and what I have to offer the world as I approach my forties. May she continue to inspire me to express myself. May I live my life as an older gay man just like she lives hers: unapologetically. Sure, there would be times when she might fall, as she has shown the world via her 2015 Brit Awards performance, but she’ll get back up because, she has boldly declared, “Bitch, I’m Madonna!” And she has been teaching me – teaching us, since 1982, that we all can be.
© 2016 Victor John Platon
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